Most Epic/Memorable Passengers and Adventures Not Involving Sloppy Drunk People

(Chicago) Passengers of Uber and Lyft (kind of like "Humans of New York") and various other memorable adventures and lessons:

*It was about 5am on Saturday night (Sunday morning) and I picked up a 35 year old man from a wedding in the suburbs since I was summoned to go there earlier and was still snagging some rides. He had a few drinks, but I knew he wouldn't cause a problem. We begin talking and he tells me he's from Oak Brook, but lives in LA right now to "pursue his dream as some kind of artist". He then tells me he is addicted to coke and got 4 DUIs :( His friends also knew he was unhappy and the poor guy seemed like a downer (probably out of depression). I suggested therapy and he said "Nirvana was his therapy", which meant he wasn't really ready for help. My heart breaks for him and I hope he finds his smile soon!

*I was driving a medical student around to her friend's house during a storm and another man walked in my car who I picked up in the same trip for a pool smelling very much like weed. After his 10 minute ride, he exited my car and the other passenger said he smelled like weed. I didn't want to point anything out, but it was funny she saw!

*It seems like every time I want to do "1 quick ride before I go home", my last ride always becomes extra lengthy. For example, on Sunday morning May 1 I wanted to do a quick one before going home on my post staying up all night driving binge (it was 8am and I had to be somewhere 40 minutes away at 10am). I was on Michigan Avenue and received a pool request... surely enough that guy would need to go to Midway Airport aka the complete wrong way of where I needed to go. I received a second request within the pool who needed to go to the south loop. Of course, my gps was spazzing out and none of the passengers were from in town. I used my best judgement to get to the south loop because I worked nearby and headed that way until the gps behaved. I then flew to Midway, rocketed home, and was 20 minutes late to where I needed to be. Oops! The proceeding Tuesday (slash Wednesday morning) it was about 12:30am and I was crashing pretty hard. I had been summoned to the burbs and stayed in the burbs until I decided it would be best to head back towards my apartment and back to the city. I left my app on and didn't get any requests until I was like 2 minutes from my place. I wanted to break 100 dollars that night and wanted a quick ride before calling it. Surely enough that person would need to go to Blue Island (like 135th and Broadway). That was a 40 minute drive and I was hoping to stay awake. My amino drink woke me up and I was able to complete the drive. I drove home after that and told myself, "no more 1 more quickie before home because that usually turns into an extra long ride".

*So here I am driving on a Friday night and my second ride of the night I get these two male passengers who are a couple years older than me in my car. They're both drunk. I'm playing Tipper (electronic music artist) in the background as I'm driving and these two people are talking about basketball and they ask me what I like to do. A few minutes later they compliment me on my music and start spitting improv rap lines. Once the ride ends one of the passengers proceeds based on my looks and music taste to ask me out. I'm extremely reluctant to date right now (moreso scared than closed off from it) and he asked for my number. I decided to give him my real number instead of a fake one to face my fears. I turn around and the dude is decent looking. Hmmmmm. Let's see what happens! But not the getting asked out by an Uber passenger. I hope this dude wasn't just desperate... lol!

The Super Sloppy Drunk People Misadventures

At this point in my uber and lyft ventures, here are my top 3 misadventures with super sloppy drunk passengers... which like to happen in River North or Wrigleyville most of the time.

1. I was driving as usual at night owl o'clock on a Saturday night and I ended up picking up a drunk older man who appeared to be between 40 and 50 years old in an Uber pool at around 3:30am in the oh so lovely River North. He got into my car and looked super sloppy drunk, enough to where I thought someone his age should have his shit together more than he did. He told me his address and I proceeded to tell him I had another passenger to pick up because he requested a pool. I arrived at the second person's destination and waited for a bit. The drunk man in my car was being impatient and I ended up contacting the person I was waiting for a couple times. They didn't answer and I ended up canceling on them. I don't like canceling on people, but as I was waiting for this passenger, he fell asleep in my back seat and was snoring rather loudly. The fact this person seemed like he had a "tude" and was snoring made me feel super uncomfortable. I turned up the volume to my music and fled to his house as fast as I can without attracting cops or risking my safety. About 10 minutes later, I see his address, blaring, bold, and purple outside of his building. "Hey, I think we're outside your place now", I exclaim to him loud enough not to startle him and point to his building on Adams Street. He thinks we're on Lake Street; I pull closer to the intersection to make sure I'm not mistaken and listen to his back seat driving. A minute or two later, he realizes he was wrong and gets out of my car. How awkward...

2. I had driven so far into the night owl hours it had already become daylight and apparently people were still drunkity drunk. It had already reached about 6:30 in the morning. I had just driven 2 people to the airport and figured all of the drunk people were home by now... I guess not. I anxiously arrived at the front of the Taco Burrito King on Harlem and Higgins by the expressway. Someone called me and told me they were in the back of the building. A few minutes later, 3 men who looked to be about my age (early/mid 20s) walked into my car and warned me they weren't sober. For some reason, I ended up driving towards the home of the person who requested the ride. I shortly after realized that was an awful idea, but I had already committed to this endeavor. I eventually arrived at the first person's place and dropped him off at his apartment. After that, the fun really began; I was driving towards the second person's place and realized he had been hiccuping the entire ride. My "I feel like this person may get sick in my car" senses began to tingle. The third person and me were keeping an eye on him, but at least I felt like I'd get notified if I had to pull over. Since the drive wasn't too long, I drove as fast as I can without being unsafe and eventually arrived at the second person's place. His feeling of nausea vanished and he handed me 5 dollars. As I'm on my way to the third person's place, which is less than 5 minutes away, the first person ended up canceling the ride. I end up notifying him his friend canceled. He wondered if that meant I would get screwed over and I told him it would. I arrived at his place and he pulls out 21 dollars and tells me it's all he has in his wallet and he hopes it's enough to cover the fare. I told him he was good to go while I thought to myself at least I got my money's worth and then some!

3. Oh boy, driving St. Patrick's Day weekend (the weekend Chicago dyed the river, not the actual day of St. Patrick's Day) on that Saturday. What a great idea, even though I wanted to make some money. It was about 1:30am and I had just finished taking 2 people celebrating a 21st birthday to the Mad River bar in River North who could apparently handle their liquor than the next 2 people who would come in my car. I received another request from the Mad River bar. When the men who looked to be around my age (early/mid 20s) entered my car, the "I feel like this person may get sick in my car" senses were acting like fire alarms going off in my body. I knew those people were super sloppy double dare drunk, enough to know next time to never let people that wasted in my car ever again. And instead of the usual 10 or 15 minute drive, they wanted to go from River North to Arlington Heights by Mitsuwa Marketplace. I had to get the hell out of there fast because I have a fear of people tossing their cookies in my car. I flew down the expressway as stealthy as if my car had rocket boosters. I also made sure to drive as close to the shoulder as possible so I can pull over if needed and kept my trash bag handy. A few miles down the highway, one of the passengers alarmed me I need to pull over; thankfully, I had just got my brakes replaced and froze from 80 to 0 in 4 seconds. He opened the door, tossed all of his cookies outside of my car, and we were back on the road a couple minutes later. The other passenger fell asleep. A half hour after that, I finally dropped both of the people off and called my friends to tell them what happened. Next time people look as schwaysted as these two gentleman were, I'm just going to drive off and cancel the ride.

Hopefully, I won't find another story to top any of these!

Nanowrimo Uber Haiku Poems

Some randomness I decide to come up with when I want to contribute to nanowrimo (National Writing Month) in the spirit of Uber driving. Enjoy the funnies!

I need to Uber;
There is money to be made.
Lots of adventures!

First we work careers.
Then we drive into the night.
Time to make money!

There's many stories

Some even influence me 

From all walks of life!

Adventures happen

While driving random strangers

But they are worth it!

You never know when

Someone brings along wisdom 

To influence you!